Weekend // Contrasts

Yesterday I cried in a random KTM train station in the face of difficulty.  

Today I can laugh in the face of the love of my Father.

Let me rewind a bit. I love to embrace the weekend, and yesterday I was excited for a packed day of celebrations, good food and lovely people. First stop was a birthday brunch in Bu9 round the corner. Delicious. Easy. Next stop was a pool party in Kajang for the late afternoon.

On paper it looks easy, and I thought ‘Yes time for an adventure!’ Perhaps I was a bit ambitious.  Kajang is a bit further out than I have travelled alone before, but I knew you could take public transport. It would take an hour max.

3 hours involving one taxi, one lRT then one train journey later, I arrived at the station I needed.  After 3 cancelled taxis with one on the way to take me to my final destination, my phone decided it was the perfect time to completely die. I had no idea where I was and I had no idea what to do. Even if I had a working phone who would I even call?

Fortunately I had my charger, so I resorted to going back into the station and (fighting back tears) I asked the attendant to help me. I have never felt so vulnerable in Malaysia as I did at that moment.

Looking back, it was the loss of control that got to me. I am proud to be an independent woman- able to deal with most situations, and I love being able to do so without asking for help. On the other hand, I also do ‘damsel in distress’ extremely well. Friends have told me so. But it depends on the situation. At this point at this remote station I couldn’t even reach out due to lack of technology and language barriers.

 

Today is a different story. Just reaching HopeCity church and getting back into the family groove re-aligned my thinking and my priorities. Giving to the ‘first fruits’ offering gave a new perspective that is bigger than my small problem of  getting stuck in a station. Seeing what is above eye level.

You’re probably reading this thinking,’Big deal Becca!’, but it taught me some important lessons.

In the words of the one and only Ying Ying Tan; you don’t need a man, you need the MRT. She is not wrong. Also that it’s ok to be vulnerable. I’m definitely still learning how to balance between ‘strong independent woman’ and ‘damsel in distress’. Thank you Malaysia for always pushing me and teaching me.

 

On a happy note, my weekend ended like this (like it started):

14438789_10154981059681840_686737213_o

Monday we’re nearly ready for you!

Hello September

This year is the new beginning. I feel like I should either say yes now and go forward, or turn back. I’m choosing the first.

This is the year I truly say yes, I’m all in. Not, I’m in when I feel like it, but yes to the uncertain, yes to the downright scary, yes to new adventures. This week I am listening to God call me to start the preparations for the future that He has called me to. I’m finally accepting that these future plans won’t just suddenly roll out from nowhere, but in fact they are real and foundations need to be built, paths need to be cleared.

So yes, this is me saying I’m planning on going for it. I am terrified. I will most certainly be tired. But wow I am excited!

 

Life is like a ton of bricks

Sometimes. Last month was the toughest month I can remember. Previously I have been really blessed (or lucky!) to have not experienced anything like it. First I broke my ankle within a month of being in a new place with no family nearby and very recent friends. Then I put myself through a number of holidays on crutches (No sympathy there!). Then I was witness to a horrendous accident where a guard working in my condo took his own life. I kept asking myself why this all has happened. If I had stayed in Senegal or gone home then maybe I wouldn’t be so traumatised. Why all at once? Why did he do it?

Amazingly when I was feeling at my worst, Hopecity KL put on a weekend conference event. I had to literally drag myself there as I couldn’t think of anything worse, but in the grand scheme of things there was nothing better. It was great to spend time with lovely people and here and great talks from inspiring people. Jenn Gilpin, part of the legendary couple that started the Hopecity movement in the UK, picked me out of the crowd when she was speaking and said things that I haven’t told anyone here in KL, and encouraging words so relevant for now it was like I had told her everything that had gone on recently. I hadn’t even had the chance to introduce myself to her yet! Without sharing it all basically I was reassured that yes I am in the right place right now.  As she was speaking, its hard to describe but all the negative feelings of unrest, fear and paranoia just left me! They have not returned.

I don’t understand why the bad things happened. I can’t begin to understand how the man got to the point that he felt the need to do that. I don’t understand how he did it. Life is super fragile. In a non morbid way I really want to remember that we are not just going to float through life forever. With that in mind I just want to live purposely rather than dilly dallying life away!!

But I believe the facts are as follows:

  1. God knows what’s going on
  2. He is bigger than all this
  3. He is and will use this situation somehow. Surely I will look back and go, ‘Aha!’ that is why that happened? We will see!

The fact that I can be confident in the knowledge I am following the right path has made all the difference. The legend that is Charlie sent me this instagram post. Amazing!

2015-11-05 23.16.10

Yes life has been hard. But now there is peace and I feel untouched by the things that have happened. Wow! Nearly a month on I am now boot and crutch-less and I’m excited to see what’s next!