Sometimes. Last month was the toughest month I can remember. Previously I have been really blessed (or lucky!) to have not experienced anything like it. First I broke my ankle within a month of being in a new place with no family nearby and very recent friends. Then I put myself through a number of holidays on crutches (No sympathy there!). Then I was witness to a horrendous accident where a guard working in my condo took his own life. I kept asking myself why this all has happened. If I had stayed in Senegal or gone home then maybe I wouldn’t be so traumatised. Why all at once? Why did he do it?
Amazingly when I was feeling at my worst, Hopecity KL put on a weekend conference event. I had to literally drag myself there as I couldn’t think of anything worse, but in the grand scheme of things there was nothing better. It was great to spend time with lovely people and here and great talks from inspiring people. Jenn Gilpin, part of the legendary couple that started the Hopecity movement in the UK, picked me out of the crowd when she was speaking and said things that I haven’t told anyone here in KL, and encouraging words so relevant for now it was like I had told her everything that had gone on recently. I hadn’t even had the chance to introduce myself to her yet! Without sharing it all basically I was reassured that yes I am in the right place right now. As she was speaking, its hard to describe but all the negative feelings of unrest, fear and paranoia just left me! They have not returned.
I don’t understand why the bad things happened. I can’t begin to understand how the man got to the point that he felt the need to do that. I don’t understand how he did it. Life is super fragile. In a non morbid way I really want to remember that we are not just going to float through life forever. With that in mind I just want to live purposely rather than dilly dallying life away!!
But I believe the facts are as follows:
- God knows what’s going on
- He is bigger than all this
- He is and will use this situation somehow. Surely I will look back and go, ‘Aha!’ that is why that happened? We will see!
The fact that I can be confident in the knowledge I am following the right path has made all the difference. The legend that is Charlie sent me this instagram post. Amazing!
Yes life has been hard. But now there is peace and I feel untouched by the things that have happened. Wow! Nearly a month on I am now boot and crutch-less and I’m excited to see what’s next!